I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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