Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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