What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
