I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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