it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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