ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
