So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
