Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
