I'm really into asian looking animals
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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