Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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