JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
