Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Sorry my hands just texted you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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