So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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