next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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