WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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