kristin has been a bad kristin
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Randomize
