I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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