what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
