I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
