Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
