Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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