you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
