he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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