I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Even my vagina gasped.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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