Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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