My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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