Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
