you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
