I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Mom said you looked used
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
