i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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