Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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