I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
