Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
