i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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