Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
