Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
