saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
