im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
