There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
