if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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