Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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