wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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