they need to just BURY HIM!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
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so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
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There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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