i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
