dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
