its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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