I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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