Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
