I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
