It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
