I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
