the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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