Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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