Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
