That's when you crack a 10am beer
In America we eat man semen.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
