If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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