with your own penis?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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