Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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