none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
