I'm eating all of the evidence.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
