My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
