your thong is hanging out like whoa
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
