I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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