Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
