There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
